the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
