im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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