I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
