My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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