I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Still dying that you shit outside
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I need water and some morals
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize