My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
