you guys were way drunker than both of me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
