why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize