First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
