Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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