you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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