Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Me too!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
