Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize