That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
