why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
