i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
