I heard we made out
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
