There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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