Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
