She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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