my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
