rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
