great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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