my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
