"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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