I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize