Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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