I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
