Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
