i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
