What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize