my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
