sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
