he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
she looked like the before picture.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
