I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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