"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
