I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
