I wish I only lived at night.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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