Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
