Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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