If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
