The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
