I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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