I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
