Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
