the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
