so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
