using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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