you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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