Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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