I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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