Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
