Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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