Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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