She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
