dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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