you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
