I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
