Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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