I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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