Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
