I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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