Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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