Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
