508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
