my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
