She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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