We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
