just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
