fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
