Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
